HAPPY FATHERS DAY IS FOR MEN! NO GIRLS ALLOWED!!!

This post is a day late but it still needs to be done. First of all, Happy Father's Day to all the males that have reproduced or cared for children. Yes, I did say MALES. As I was reading my Facebook page yesterday there were a lot of women telling other women Happy Father's Day. I understand that there are single mothers by the boat load in today's society. However, that doesn't make you a father....just a mother with a child that lacks a father.

Raising a child alone or even separately from the father is a hard pill to swallow. I don't think anyone had a child with the intention to raise him/her alone. But mothers we have to real and understand that we are women...not men...and we can be the best mothers, providers, protectors, all of the above...but we will never be able to take the place of our child's father. When this phrase is used to other women, I'm sure its all out of love but its actually a process that is further tearing our men down. When you tell a woman Happy Father's Day...you saying you can do what a man is meant to do. Essentially he isn't needed. It is a way to smother the hurt of being the parent left to alter their lives for the well-being of the child. "I don't need you anyway so I can' be hurt. I can do what you do."

Ladies, lets be honest. It does hurt to be a single mother. Its hurts the mother and the child. But we as mother's perpetuate this pain by subliminally showing our daughters and our sons that a man isn't needed. If he doesn't step up....us women can handle it. So when your daughter grows up she wont really expect a man to be accountable because she has been taught that she can do a man's job. And your son will not know his true responsibility as a man, what has he seen a man be accountable for? He will assume that if he leaves things will be fine because...woman can be fathers just as well as men. Regardless of what you tell your children, they mimic what they see.

Woman, sometimes we have to accept some of the blame as well. We throw deadbeat around so carelessly aiming at the egos of our men. Is this always necessary? Are you constantly telling your man/BD that he isn't needed and then surprised when he finally disappears for good. Yes sometimes our emotions get the best of us and men have been known to do very foul things...trust me. But when you look at your children these are little people you would go to war for, kill for, even die for. Well your children need a healthy sense of family as well. Family is mother AND father. If your child's father is not here (remember you picked him) still let your child know who he is. Honor the fact that he has a father. Women that are widowed don't suddenly become father's because the man isn't physically present anymore. That child still has a father..he just doesn't see him anymore. When you are able to let go of the pain of making a bad choice, or having a harder life, and decide to put your child's well being first the future will be a much brighter road.

Moving forward in other relationships with the "I can play a mans role" attitude will land with a man that believes just that. And will wonder why your situation is repeating itself. Have you ever seen a woman with multiple baby daddy's and they all left and now all of us sudden..."all men ain't sh*t." Now she believes Father's Day was made specifically for her. No...that attitude can get you "Bad Choices Day" or "I Want To Play Victim Day" or better yet "I Refuse to Change For the Better Day". As hard as it is to accept that your child's father, the person you created this wonderful life with does not want to participate in the rearing process...you still have to play your role as mother only. That's all you can be. Your child may be shorted a father for the time-being but don't short them on the structure of what a family is.

The best example is the fact that most single moms were raised by single moms. And I'm sure she celebrated Fathers Day or make it stick that she was the mother/father and she did a great job being both parents. That was embedded in you and subconsciously that's what played out.A father wasn't needed...so a father isn't there. Not having a father is accepted as the norm and it should not be at all. A child with one parent is like a child with one leg...crippled in life.

By no means am I excluding the men that run from their responsibilities....men really need to develop and lead the family. But ladies we have to put our pride and hurt away and let them know THEY ARE NEEDED. And that we don't want HAPPY FATHER'S DAY.

The BabyMama, The Baby, and His New Girl....Can't We All Just Get Along?

Ok, youre already broken up with your child's father and to add insult to injury he is seeing someone new. Thats fine, something most women can deal with but what fuels your fire is that he is allowing the new girl to be around your child. Now the shit hits the fan. Can we all just get along? While there are some situations that work, I am not a firm believer in the "girlfriend" and child mix. 

Men need to know that indeed you have a right to move on with your life but your child doesnt have to be subjected to whomever you choose to date. I have always respected men that kept their children and dating life seperate. It shows how sacred their children are to them, that everyone isnt privy to meet their acquaintance.

Its far fetched for one to believe the mother of the child is going to show an out pour of respect for the new lady that the dad is dating. What reason would she have to trust, respect, or even be cordial with this person? She would just be another stranger that she feels she should protect her child from. If the father hasnt shown the new girl the respect of making the relationship serious (engaged) why should the mother of the child take it serious or respect it for that matter.

New girlfriends should know that they are walking on marked territory whether one wants to believe or not. The mother of the child is always going to be around and should always be considered. If the new girlfriend feels as though she cannot accept the mother of the child or feels slighted by her presence then there will always be a problem..because she is omnipresent. Even part of his paycheck belongs to this other woman. Dont believe it...new girlfriend...try and move out of town and see what he says....try and make any decision that involves him and he is going to have to ask her.

Fathers, look at your new mate and honestly ask this question...will this person be in my life next year....the next five years....a lifetime. If you cannot honestly answer yes, well then...Miss Lady should not be in the presence of your child. Because your child will definitely be there next year, next five years, and yes... a lifetime.  Spend the time you do have with your child...with your child. Most fathers that are not with the mothers dont see their child as often as a father in the home. So when you do spend time with your child dont force them to spend time with your date as well. Sometimes you have to put your wants aside and focus on your child. Through all of this, they should come first. And a woman worth being with should understand that.

If you have answered yes, then you should be mature enough, respectful enough, and mindful enough to introduce this woman not only to your child but to their mother as well. She has a right to know and meet who is going to be around her child. To try and dismiss her and claim its your personal life will only lead to dangerous episodes. Women have a divine right to protect their young. And what we dont know, we project as danger.

Please post your opinions on the blog. I would love to hear from the fathers and also woman that are dating a man with a child. Please follow and keep in touch. Thanks